| | I don't understand my thinking sometimes, but I can be a real cynic. I can be a self-loathing, selfish, crass bitch. But it comes and goes. You know what they say: "If you're going through hell, keep going."
Because things get better. And sometimes you have to just make them better because you're sick of feeling so shitty. People tell me everything will be okay, and I end up telling myself the same thing later. And everything ends up being okay. And in some cases, better than such. Like right now. Today.
This morning, I felt shitty. I felt shitty pretty much right until practice started. I felt so stuck and hating myself and what I was (or wasn't) doing. I felt stupid for some stuff that I don't feel stupid for anymore. And I was letting my own problems bleed into thoughts about my relationship, and I felt like I was accidentally murdering magic because I was so fucked up on my own. But that's not the case.
So thank you, Jason. Thank you for telling me (multiple times) that everything will be okay. Thank you for taking me tonight. Thank you for being okay with the fact that I get introspective and irritable sometimes. Thank you for telling me I'm beautiful. Thank you for doodle wars, Tony Danza, ridiculous faces, the cute song, and losing the game. But most of all, thank you for understanding. I really like that you still think of me the way you do when I'm being a pessimistic mental case.
I only wish that side of me didn't come around as much and as violently as it does. |
| | Posted 7/2/2009 11:46 PM - 4 Views - 0 eProps - 0 comments
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