| | I didn't go to practice today. I wasn't busy. I wasn't sick. I just didn't go. Teresa and Jason were here. I didn't want to go, so I called Nabonne and told her not to pick me up. It wasn't a huge deal, it's a Thursday rehearsal. I need to memorize my march still. I didn't feel badly about it at all, but for some reason... I feel like I should've.
Why do I find myself not caring about marching band as much? I still love it and I love the people, but I don't feel as... intensely as I have before. My best guess is because it's the Fourth of July parade we're doing now, and I loathe that. I loathe all parades, especially this one. Maybe I don't feel ready for the responsibility of being lead, yet. Maybe I subconsciously want to separate myself from the people because I know they're leaving at the end of the school year. And that's unreasonable since that day is still so far off. Maybe I just really didn't want to go today. That's probably it. I was with two of my favorite people in the world and I was too happy and under too strong a spell to want to leave them. So I'm sorry, band. I'm sorry I didn't show up for two hours today because I was happier without you.
That sounded a lot colder than I meant it to be; I'm sorry.
I think I'm getting really tired because my thoughts are becoming pessimistic. Maybe I should run the dishwasher then go to bed.
I wish I had more fluent and eloquent thoughts to blog about. As much as I love my apparently poetic and cryptic ambiguities of blogs, I also miss the ones that flowed well, the ones that had a real point to them instead of this air of mystery and secrets. I feel like I'm keeping secrets from you, Xanga. But maybe I'm not keeping secrets. Maybe I'm just keeping thoughts to myself. I have to remember that this isn't a diary, it's a blog. Sometimes I feel like my thoughts are too out there to post on the internet. I feel like this is where I should feel comfortable typing out those thoughts, but I don't. Not anymore. And I don't know why.
I hope this mark on my neck fades before work tomorrow. I have to put up my hair and Veronica's going to give me so much shit if she sees it. >__>
  
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| | Posted 6/25/2009 11:38 PM - 2 Views - 0 eProps - 0 comments
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